Monday, 17 September 2012

The Girl Code... Not Neccesarily in that Order.

"The only rule is don't be boring and dress cute wherever you go. Life is too short to blend in."

Society can be such a drag. What, with all the unwritten, unsaid rules and codes. Guys have an elaborate ‘Bro Code’. In fact there’s a whole website. You will be surprised that Rule no. 1 of it is not the (in)famous ‘Bros before whores’.

Girls have their own code too, though it’s not set in stone and varies among different groups of girls. The Girl code is especially tricky to girls like me who aren’t exactly programmed like other girls. So, I have a list of essential rules in the Girl Code. Some come with disclaimers and modifications. Some are universal while others are just stuff that my friends and I have come up with along the way.

1.       Should a Girl be critically injured, her Side-Girls are to never make jokes about it, unless the hurt Girl does first. I love my girlfriends…very much, but if said critical injury has risen as a result of a fall (which happens to be 99% of the time); and said fall was hilarious, in a public place, or while wearing heels; I WILL LAUGH first then pick you up later. And you are required to be understanding and not take away my chance to have a good laugh by whining incessantly.
2.       If the fall happens in a Bathroom and I happen to see your naked bum, this should then be treated on a ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ basis and we are never supposed to talk, joke or laugh about it.
3.       A Girl will drop whatever she's doing and rush to help her Side-Girl when and if she gets dumped. Things required to ensure maximum comfort for your dumped Side-Girl:

  •  A shoulder to cry on: However one must realize that the waterworks are supposed to be let out for a reasonable amount of time. Not too long. Should a Girl make a habit of crying the privilege of the shoulder will be swiftly replaced with an awkward pat on the back and a ‘there-there’. 
  •  Arms to hug: There is no exception to this. When your girlfriend needs a(hug, it doesn’t matter if you are a hugs kind of person or not. You hug them for as long as it takes…unless they start crying and then the previous rule will apply.
  • Things to break…cheap, non-brittle things to break. Like her ex’s favorite records. It should be noted that providing his laptop screen as a ‘thing to break’ could lead to legal consequences. Tissues…pretty scented ones.
  •  Chocolate
  • Alcohol. This is reserved for the girls who aren’t violent drunks, who will not pass out on you or puke all over the place.
  • Chick flicks…Happy-slappy ones with sexy men/vampires/werewolves who have great hair and a British, Irish or Italian accent. 
  •  Angry Girl music…like Pussy Riot or Icona Pop
  •  Popcorn
  •  Words aimed to describe what a douche what's-his-face was.
4.       A Girl shall not be caught with chipped nail polish…ever. A loyal girlfriend should carry around nail polish remover so as to salvage the situation.
5.        A girl shall not call attention to herself during ‘that time of the month’. Any fits of rage caused by hormones should be controlled and all spams of pain should be handled gracefully and femininely. (This means no cursing out loud.)
6.       A Girl shall not curse unless she is sure that the curse word doesn’t make her sound like a Black-American rapper gangster. Insults like ‘twat’ are acceptable since despite the vulgarity of the word, it actually sounds cute and adorable.
7.       If a Girl should accidentally boob or butt brush another Girl both shall continue on like nothing had happened.(Yet another don’t ask don’t tell kind of thing) If a Girl should boob or butt brush a guy on accident she shall act like nothing happened and try not to blush.
8.       Girls are strongest in three's and four's. As an ode to this rule, a girl must make an effort to meet up with her girlfriends regularly for lunch, ice-cream and (or) cake. One should come equipped with juicy gossip for such occasions.
9.       A girl always spellchecks… and she retains the right to never talk to, or even block guys who type that, “Xaxa xwitty, xema…” nonsense.
10.   A girl takes it upon herself to ensure that the guy her girlfriend is about to date is not a serial killer. Efforts to do this include adding: ‘for all I know you could be a serial killer’ in The Talk. This comment should be followed by a steely gaze that will see the laughter die on his lips.

As important as these rules may be, rules such as:

1.       A Girl loves pink, regardless to whether or not she really does love pink.
2.       A Girl should be able, at any time, to recite the following: winner of American Idol and Project Runway ;(or any other reality show for that matter) who's on the cover of Vanity Fair and Vogue; the new hottest couple is; who the top celebrity couples are; what the latest celebrity scandals are.
Are total BS. 

It wouldn't be possible to discuss the whole code. as I said, it varies from person to person. This is just a tip off the iceberg.


  1. Sad most of them do not apply except foronly one part "bros before whores".

  2. haha eti xaxa code has lots of rules though...

  3. George, are you sure they dont apply? Talk to the Girls in your life and you will see its true.

    Anonymous, not as many and as weird as the Bro Code...