It’s been a minute since I last posted here… and it’s had nothing to do with you. This is all me. I wish I could blame it on my schedule but though it’s been hectic, I had time in between to scrawl a few words and make witty commentary of my life. To be frank, I have been suffering from ‘everythingitis’… my own form of everythingitis where I have so many different things to write about and since I can’t decide which one to pursue, they turn into a warped, confusing feeling.
For starters, for a while I have been feeling very ‘mellow’ for lack of a better word… very warm, fuzzy and loving on the inside. Suddenly the words of all those cheesy love songs sounded like they had been written with me in mind. I wanted to gush out about all the love in the air… and I would have if I hadn’t been too busy enjoying it. I am a sucker for love… in love with being in love. I know I don’t act like it… but there’s something magical about love. I had stopped feeling that magic. I suppose I had grown used to being in love. For so long, loving him had become as natural as breathing, waking up, eating, walking…it had grown so commonplace. Then suddenly it feels magical again.
home to Karatina last weekend. I still think
of it as home… even one year down the line. It had been a while since I’d gone
back but of course not much had changed... at least not on the surface. Small towns
are like that. But I could feel the change. This used to be the one place where
I could come and feel safe…as if I belonged. I knew all there was to know about
it… the best tables at my favorite restaurants; where to get fries for only 50
bob; the 10-bob sausage joint that won’t give you food poisoning; when to get
discounts for shoes from that guy with a stall near the library (his name
escapes me now); which counter at Mathai Supermarket has the shortest queues (it’s
the one right next to the stairs, just so you know)… my small town and I were
intimate like that. I loved it and it loved me back…especially since everyone I
loved was there. But when I went back I felt
as if my small town had moved on and gotten over me.
True, it’s still filled with people who don’t run out of fucks to give; the
roasted maize sold near the stage is still the only one I trust enough to buy off the
street… (Because that guy has been selling roasted maize for as long as I can
remember so I suppose he must be an expert of sorts.); and it’s still the
gloomiest place in the world when it rains. I imagine it’s gloomier than London.
But beneath all that, it’s changed…or I’ve changed.
|MY small town... in the rain|
That aside, I am filled with nothing but success wishes for all those kids who are sitting for their final exams. Especially my sister. She really is an awesome person who deserves better than the best that life has to offer. I know she will do well but my mother-hen, big-sister instinct wont let me stop worrying. So I have resorted to wailing out loud, spontaneously whenever I feel like it, to let out the tension.
Now that I have expressed some of the many ideas stuck on my mind I'll probably be able to make a more coherent post next week. But everythingitis is not so bad... I can blame my blabber-mouth on it.