Skip to main content

Nairobi 2024


I suppose it’s a bit late for me to give my two-cents worth on the Olympics. So I have chosen to look into the future. Probably due to the ‘A Million Reasons to Believe in Africa’, His eminence the Prime Minister has found one major reason to believe in Kenya…its untapped potential to be the 2024 Olympics host. No matter that we are nowhere near the level of infrastructural development needed to host Olympics now, let alone in 12 years time when much more will be required of us. We could just borrow like the Greeks and plunge ourselves into debt. It would be worth it, that fortnight of fame and wonder.

Let’s not be cynical here. It can be done! In fact, my limited imagination can almost picture it. We would have to hold it in Moi Sports Centre, Kasarani (You didn’t actually believe we would build an Olympic stadium, did you?) That would also give us a chance to show the world that we could also ‘gerrit’, what with Thika Superhighway and all… High ranking officials would be hosted at Safari Park and other hotels in town.

 Our main focus would, of course, be the marathon. Why bother with canoeing and karate facilities? Everyone knows that no one watches that shit anyway. Olympics makes sense IFF there are people running, preferably for long distances and with an adequate supply of Kips on the track. The 42 km stretch would be from Thika to Kasarani. I however doubt that that distance would suffice. So, to take advantage of the opportunity to market unchartered tourist destinations, and because I just spent an hour gushing about Kamulu here, I am convinced that the marathon would start in Kamulu. Being the resourceful Kikuyus my family is, we would spend days to the event (not painting our faces and finding vuvuzelas to cheer the team) making mandazis and hoarding water in the area so that we can sell it to runners and spectators on D-Day at exorbitant prices.

The runners would use the Ruiru by-pass to connect to Thika Road. Needless to say, the roads would be closed off to motorists. However, matatu drivers, being the creative fellows they are, would map out alternative routes to town in a matter of minutes. These routes would at some point bring them right in the midlle of the marathon track and I can imagine a number of speeding, hooting matatus disrupting the whole event and creating pandemonium ‘Kenyan style’. But there’s not much harm in that. After all, we have to give the world something to remember us by... (Seeing as having Makmende skydive with a Kibaki impersonator wouldn’t be original enough).

Kenya would bag all three medals in the marathon and restore the lost glory. Everyone would be happy and we would tell of our fortnight of fame to generations to come…probably as an explanation as to why the country was so heavily in debt. 

Comments

  1. Uuwi!
    Ifehenia you're a clown!
    Uyu Kibaki labda Jimmy.

    We can sell Turkana to China btw

    ReplyDelete
  2. nice piece.n hillarious

    ReplyDelete
  3. Paul, Sell our golden-eggs-laying goose? I am glad you liked it though.

    Nikolas, Thank you.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Girl Code... Not Neccesarily in that Order.

"The only rule is don't be boring and dress cute wherever you go. Life is too short to blend in." Society can be such a drag. What, with all the unwritten, unsaid rules and codes. Guys have an elaborate ‘Bro Code’. In fact there’s a whole website . You will be surprised that Rule no. 1 of it is not the (in)famous ‘Bros before whores’. Girls have their own code too, though it’s not set in stone and varies among different groups of girls. The Girl code is especially tricky to girls like me who aren’t exactly programmed like other girls. So, I have a list of essential rules in the Girl Code. Some come with disclaimers and modifications. Some are universal while others are just stuff that my friends and I have come up with along the way. 1.        Should a Girl be critically injured, her Side-Girls are to never make jokes about it, unless the hurt Girl does first. I love my girlfriends…very much, but if said critical injury has risen as a result of a fall (wh

Of Doing Milk and Staying Young

Boredom inspires/ drives me to do the unthinkable... like texting him to say how I couldn’t stand pretending that I didn’t like him...or drinking a glass of milk. I do not DO milk. And no, I am not lactose intolerant. As Max in ‘2 Broke Girls’ aptly points out, “Poor people don’t just run out to buy anti-biotics. You man up, grow a pair, and stare germs in the face...booyah!” I may not be poor but I am definitely not rich. People in my economic bracket don’t get fancy diseases like eczema. We get rashes, and if you want to get all fancy then you will have to do with ‘allergies’. So, no, I am not lactose intolerant. Where I come from it’s just a plain, simple ‘I don’t drink milk.’ But here I am, with a now half empty glass of milk. (I hope you can detect the pessimism there or else my pun will have gone to waste) I suppose the ‘Do Milk, Stay Young’ campaign hasn’t gone to waste. All that sexual objectification of infants wasn’t in vain. “Sexual objectification?” you ask. Yes,

Fighting for my right to be wrong.

I feel as if our relationship has been progressing at an admirable rate... progressing enough for me not to just assume that someone somewhere is reading this, but to hope that this is so. Today has been a Monday, true to form. Murphy s law through and through. Anything that  could go wrong DID go wrong...but I don't want to bore you with the gory details. I do need to mention, though, that I was diagnosed with alarmingly high levels of typhoid fever. To be frank, I didn't feel THAT ill. I was simply mildly sick with a stomach ache and a head ache but the pharmacist wouldn't give me any meds until he had run some tests.Even after the diagnosis I still felt pretty amazing considering the shocked expression on the lab tech's face as he tries to make me understand how 'grave' my situation was. Dad wasn't as flippant about it as I was (His own face-to-face encounter with typhoid had confined him to bed for a week and he couldn't believe that my body was